That's when you crack a 10am beer
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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