I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
