ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
