If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
