Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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