please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
