everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
