There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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