it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
