His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
