Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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