he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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