mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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