All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
