That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
