if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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