I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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