So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
