BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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