Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
