so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
