I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
