Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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