At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pants are for mortals
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
