remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you win again, gameday.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
