god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
