i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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