I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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