I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sorry my hands just texted you
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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