Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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