If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
