You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
