new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
