Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
