Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
