do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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