Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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