Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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