I met the friendliest cop last night
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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