I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
