i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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