just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
