i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
