Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
