if you like me you must not know who I am
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
