I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
