i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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