i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
