He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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