Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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