So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
