Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
