How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
